How to do things #1:How to catch a bullet!

       Hi I suppose you, the nonexistent reader, is confused on how this is different from Daily Advice. I would be confused two, as both of them have words, and involve numbers. However the daily advice posts are things that you use to protect you from dangers and communists, while this is for how to have 1337 skillz (the poor spelling makes me kewl). Today we are going to learn how to catch a bullet in the comfort of your home,backyard, or meth covered shantytown.

1. Find a box for your bullet to live in, to find a good box try to look for signs of feces, animal sex, or hard drugs.

You may have to fight off hobos for the box.

2. Poke a hole in the box with a knife or chainsaw so the bullet can breathe. If you don't have any of those check your stash of halloween candy for razor blades, trust me you'll find one.

3. Go outside and find a war, now to you wars may sound like exotic things done in places with brown people, but that's not true! In fact you can probably find a war in your backyard if you just look under a rock enough times.

Pictured above: a war.

4. Once you have found a war remember to put on a condom/take birth control pills so you're protected. Once your safe find a bullet!

5.Pick the bullet up, and put it in the box.

6.Congratulations you've just caught a bullet, now go tell all the voices in your head when they're done telling you to kill everything!

Note: This post could not have been made without my friend Ben who came up with the idea which I then modified and expanded with his permission. This is why it's funnier than usual. Ps Ben has a thrash metal band which you should check out, I forgot what it's called but it's probably along the lines of Viking Fight Satan Kill Party. 

Daily Advice #2 Bowling for ebola

    Remember the best protection against ebola, is to duck and cover.
     

If you duck and cover enough you can imprison Ebola in your arm!

Daily Advice #1: Fire is the enemy of man!

   Remember to always be quiet during a fire, because if you aren't the fire will hear you and chase after you. Once the fire hears you it will chase you and attempt to kill you every second you live!

Let's start this abommination.

        First off I understand no one will read this because it doesn't have cartoons, now don't take this as an insult because I do the exact same thing and you do to, yes you do admit it. However this blog will have prettyful pictures like this.

   See this, this is an actual poster from some Indian movie I've never seen. I mean for all we know the man could have set the train on fire, or the woman was the train all along, maybe it's just about stock exchanges I don't know because I'm not jesus and if I was I'd give myself infinite money.

Still we should get back to the introduction which I have now lured you into reading by posting an insane Indian movie poster.

      Now that the 1% of you who reads blogs without cartoons are wondering why am I a hipped  young teenage human writing a blog! Or at least you are now, now that you know I'm a teen. "aren't blogs for old people?", Well the truth is I want money, I mean I am an old people on the inside as you can see by this picture.

 Now you are wondering how this incredibly idiotic and unfunny blog could exist in a world of ironic facebook memes or why I would even make one not coutning the Bs old people excuse. The real reason I made this blog with awful grammar is because I need money and lack talent, making me hopeless until my friends told me the bizzare near schizophrenic stream of consciousness that comes out of my mouth is funny and people would buy a book of it.

   The only problem is before you make a book about yourself you need to be famous and what better way to be famous than to write a blog? So my idea is just to say stupid stuff and generate fame which I can turn into a book or ebook if Google turns all the books in the library into electricity and puts them into the giant ball in Sweden that hosts the internet. See I just said that, which shows how stupid I am and therefore funny. 

     Also if this blog offends you please tell everyone how awful I am on tumblr and talk about how I somehow offend you by saying the word "old people", because God knows giving attention to a media outlet makes it go away!