Smart people humor

  Smart people humor is often kind of stupid and unfunny, I know this because as hard as it is to believe I am a smart people. Usually these jokes involve obscure historical figures and the humor sensibilities of a five year old, unless they're about Sigmund Freud.

The face of comedy!

  But accept for our friend siggy (why are there no nicknames for sigmund, that don't sound retarded.) most smart people jokes are actually dumb.

The other famous sigmund.

   That is until I found this.

This piece of fine wine cutlery (whatever the f$ck that means) used by boring rich white Protestants, seems innocent enough until you see a picture of a duck's penis.

And the best part is that this was entirely unintentional! Anyways sorry for the filler article, but I need to post things to let you know I'm not dead, or a wizard, though I may be a dead wizard. Leave a comment if you want a link to this wine bottle opener. Just kidding edgy 12 year olds can't have wine!

How to do things#2 How to access the deep web! Part 1 Preparing

  Now I've been making a lot of even more unfunny content where I break character, but don't worry I put my character back together with bullying and duct tape.

The 80s kind not the real kind you dweeb!

But back to the main subject, which is entering the thing we call the deep web. Now let me ease one worry of yours the deep web isn't a giant underground spiderweb, it's much much worse! The deep web is part of the cybernet which is where you can make a cool webpages, and surf to find info on knitting or your friend's sex lives.

Pictured above:Proper cybernet surfing.

But then again the Internet isn't all fun and calling people homophobic slurs, remember how tv tells you the Internet is dangerous and requires an adult to get into scandalous sites such as disney.com! Well disregard all that information because your going to the place on the internet with the highest concentration of scary and danger! On the deep web you can buy child sex slaves, military grade weapons, adult sex slaves, bushmeat, elderly sex slaves, radioactive material, and most scandalous of all pirated music. Still remember the deep web is very dangerous so you'll need to prepare first, and remember if something's dangerous don't go there at night so never go on the deep web at night. 

 So before we start this here is a list of things you should bring on a trip to the deep web.

1. A shovel, preferably made of demon proof cast iron, and or a power drill.

2.A laptop.

3. Optional: parent as they are the mystical gate keepers to the Internet, remember to never bring your own parent as they will be ashamed of you for doing this, though most of my readers parents already disowned them anyways.

4. A diving helmet and deoressurizer as the deep web is deep and could drown.

5.Some cash, cold hard cash because these guys ain't gonna take none of that credit shit

6.A friend who is not really your friend, so it doesn't matter if they disown you, but can still be used as an allaby if the mob finds you.

7. A condom/birth control pills for protection.

8.Some Mountain Dew and Doritos, and a waifu pillowas you can give these to the portal guardians at 4chan and they will fight off fight off the deep web netizens.

On some parts of the Internet this is valid currency.

9. A Blanket in case it's scary.

10. An accountant he says words you make money!

11.A shotgun and ammo, hackers and viruses are dangerous so you should be just as dangerous to them as they are to you.

12. A death certificate that says you are a dead baby in Zimbabwe, so just in case he deep web tries to murder you in the real world, it will kill some dead baby in Africa instead.

13.13 is a scary number but not as scary as the deep web! 

14. An onion suit, a lot of places on the deep we end with .onion so logically this means most denizens of the deep web are onions. Due to them being hostile to outsiders you should try to fit in, just like High school.

Side effects of an onion costume may include turning into a mildly unattractive Latina in a shitty stock photo.

Part 2 coming soon.

Tautology club

The first rule of tautology club is the first rule of the tautology club. This is because this is the rule that was made first of the tautology club rules because it is the first rule of ge tautology club. This means that the first rule of the tautology club is he rule that comes first on the list of the rules of the tautology club because it is the firs.

Let's learn about science: Cancer is an Std

     Now a lot of people say you can't catch cancer without a box trap but you can actually get it through sex! How you the nonexistent reader who is probably fapping to furry interracial fat dwarf scat satanic porn right now! Well as you all no if someone is radioactive they may get cancer, so if you sleep with a radioactive person then you'll catch cancer through sex. This means that cancer actually is an std in parts of New Mexico.

Fun fact: Nuclear tests are often done on tropical islands so if you nuke your house it will become a tropical island too.

Tip#3 Drugs are like candy!

    Everyday is halloween when you have frequent nightmarish hallucinations, so if you ever feel your in a spooky mood take ungodly amounts of Xanax!

Ps: Sorry I took a while to post new stuff but I had to break out of a Turkish prison in Oregon,  trust me every state and country has to have at least one Turkish prison for someone to break out of.

Dream Journal number 1

       My dreams are often horrifyingly weird with very few of them making sense. Often times my friends or locations appear in them and are completely different people or places , just like after college but with less sad nostalgia and more showing up to school naked and underwater shopping malls, which is just like actual college. The strangest dream I remember coherently is a little dream I like to call Camel park.
        The dream starts out with me being in driven in a shuttle bus to my friend's house, which for some reason was in the middle of a Centeral American jungle.

The perfect transport for highly populated jungles!

      Eventually I go inside my friend's house and meet his brother, only in real life his brother is around 11, and in the dream he was around 30 and possibly Latino. My friend's non existent older Latino brother who,was clad in full John Hammond regalia and a fez, walked me into the living room where I saw the worst idea for a theme park in history, Camel Park. 

     Camel Park is a huge expanse of deserts filled by tourists, wooden shacks and stables, and a bunch of camels walking around which is accessible from where the fourth wall in my friend's living room should be. Thie reason this is so bizzare is because, one the house was in a jungle, and two both in real life and the dream my friend lives on a cliff.  So this man who already made the dubious claim of being my friend's brother, made the even more dubious claim that he owned camel park.

Greatest theme park on earth.

Eventually we reached a huge wooden stadium seating in which people could watch the camels mill around. The man claiming to be my friend's brother wanted to go higher but then a annoying child yelled that we couldn't sit there because it was band seating. Seeing as how this man claimed he owned the park you would think he could go wherever he damn wants.

    So that's my weird dream, if you want to share, post post them in the comments and I might even post it on my blog. Just kidding I have no readers other than spambots and the investment bankers and we all know they don't dream!

History Sunday's! An blitzkrieg on poor grammar. (And my sad attempt at normal humor)

In the middle stage of the Mesozoic period a group of people called the grammar nazis decided to eliminate the ethnic group "Teh j00z", due to believing them inferior because of their lack of grammatical skills. Thousands were taken to concentration camps where they were obnoxiously corrected and no one took their argument seriously due to poor grammar skill with some even getting banned. Just remember your lucky to live tod.... AAAAAGAAAGHH

      My apologies but the author of this page has used the word your, a second person possessive, instead of the shortening of you are you're when appropriate. We have deemed him an untermensch and he is currently on his way to a concentration camp.

Normal people think this is funny, but you don't you weird motherf#%ker.